Sombra Malamutt (sombramalamutt) wrote,
Sombra Malamutt
sombramalamutt

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I'm not spiritual or religious but...

It's something that I think about a lot.

See, I'm not atheist either.  And admittedly I have no intention of being atheist.  I'd go further into why...well...no I wouldn't.  My beliefs are my own prerogative.  I say I'm an agnostic theist.  Leaning towards Christianity.  But unwilling to fully commit to the belief. 

So Christians say that God is very good.  That every thing he made he made with purpose and reason.  So that all these morals and such have reason and rhyme behind them.  And anyone who's raised to be Christian is taught that God loves everyone...but...

We're also taught that God doesn't give anyone a problem that they cannot handle.  Now I have issue with this.  Because this isn't what people mean.  What they mean to say (I think...any Christians who follow me here can correct me on this) is that God doesn't give people any problems they cannot handle without his help.  So if a person has issues going on in their life but remain uncertain of God's existence then the likelihood of someone remaining overwhelmed with what they've been dealt in life will remain constant.  Also...

Sexuality.  Yes, even though I identify as straight and am a virgin, I do have my qualms when it comes to religion, sexuality, and even God's take on it.  Sure.  He created people.  But even so that doesn't mean I have to agree with that exact decision to do so.  Again this will go off on a tangent on another reason I have a hard time with taking a leap of faith.  I might get into it after this.  But yes...so if a person really can't be anything other than gay or lesbian or if they really do feel like they are a male when their physical body says "female" or vice versa...I don't doubt the ability to "change" it if a person wanted to.  Again only if they wanted to.  I feel sexuality for the most part is more fluid than people give it credit for.  But some people will never be able to change how they feel.  And basically Christianity does tell them that they are damaged because of it.  Well to be honest Christianity tells everyone that they're damaged and we need to look to a being that we can neither see, hear, nor touch for that help.  But in the case of sexuality, even more so.  Because even in this "free country" people are being denied their right to get married (not everywhere but some states are still banning same sex marriage and even same sex civil unions).

But...okay yeah I'll get into that.  Even more than all the social and civil rights issues.  I don't understand why God created people.  Basically how I understand it (again, if you're Christian and can explain it better go for it) is he was lonely and wanted people around who would love him for him.  So out of loneliness he created humans knowing (absolutely knowing) they were going to betray him they he would have to go through this weird round about deal of having a son who was part...him and then sacrificing him so that people could get into heaven but even though people believe in his son, that belief is apparently not good enough and you still have to follow all the crazy rules and such just so you can get into heaven and not have your soul burn for eternity.  Maybe burn for eternity.  Honestly I hope hell is just the absence of God without all this fire and such.  Because there's about a 99.99%...no 100% chance that when I die I'll just end up there granted there's such a thing as the afterlife.  I really can't get over the selfish act it was to create people and then set up a "utopia" for those who "chose right" and structured their life in a specific way and then a place of torture for people who either just didn't find the evidence to chose right, didn't have enough time in their lives to chose right, or plain didn't want to follow him.  And I don't blame people who don't want to follow God.  A lot of what God does seems completely selfish and nonsensical. 

And I don't need a response of "well God can do what he want" or "it's God...we don't need to understand everything he does".  I kinda would like to know.  I'd like to know why he created people in the first place.  In the long run, free will will be lost anyways (as sin cannot exist in heaven) so you could've started out with that step and just created people who will want to be with you.  Instead of teasing people with "life" and putting everyone through the BS that is "life" just to say in the end "oh you chose wrong.  Good bye".

Even though I sound completely bitter with the concept of religion, I have my reasons for leaning towards religion rather than being Atheist.  I don't think with my lack of mental stability at times Atheism would do any good.  I feel like I need an actual purpose in life.  If I'm here for no reason...what am I doing here then?  And then why do I continue to remain here?  Sure there's things I'd love to do but if you could prove without a doubt that there isn't a God or there's no afterlife...then doesn't that mean that absolutely nothing I do matters in the end?  The impact any person has on the world doesn't matter.  Everything will turn to dust in the end and the impact any one person will have on another will mean absolutely nothing in the long run.  So I'm rather bitter towards Atheism too.

So why couldn't I have been born a dog instead of a human (who at times feels like a dog)?  I wouldn't have to worry about the whole soul thing...I'd have a short life span.  I wouldn't have to worry about money or anything.  Seriously.  Couldn't God have gotten a pet or something if he was lonely?  If people can have pets to curb loneliness I'm sure it works for omnipotent beings.  Oh wait...humans are the pets.  Okay then...still would like to be a dog instead.  Being human sucks.
Tags: atheism, christianity, confusion, frustration, god, rant, religion
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